Q15: To me at 15

Con’s question for this last #blogjune post is: What would you like to tell your 15 year old self?

OK. The first thing is to suggest that I tell my mother that the Kodak disc camera, that she has sent back to the manufacturer twice already, is going to be discontinued in 5 years time. If mum keeps trying to use it and it keeps failing then I will be left with no photos of myself at 15. Instead I will have to be satisfied with this one that was taken when I was a little younger.

Second thing is to let myself know that I do not cringe when I think about my behaviour and choices as a 15 year old, even though I was really concerned about what I would think when I was older. The only thing that really concerns me is that this fear of my own future disapproval stopped me from being maybe a little more free, a little more kid-like than I could have been.

Deciding on my own to apply for a scholarship to a private school, choosing friends who I actually liked rather than those who everyone else liked, asking for and then teaching myself the flute and continuing with dance classes were all smart decisions that I ‘d like to thank my 15 year old self for making. I’d even like to give her a stamp of approval for some exploratory holiday romances that were exceedingly joyful and painful – but I would suggest that the long and detailed account that I wrote about it in the back of my parents’ car was best not mailed to a friend who would then share it with others.

Third, I would want myself to understand that there was no way that I was responsible for my parents’ relationship and how uncomfortable the household felt. I would encourage myself to continue to try to stay at friend’s houses where possible to get a break from the atmosphere at home.

Fourth, I would suggest that next year, when I go to a school with a well-equipped Apple Mac lab that I do not resign as a computer monitor after the first three weeks because I will be the only girl and I will feel excluded and dumb. Learning simple programming would be a great idea.

I would suggest that I value my mother more, and the way that she is trying to encourage me in her own way. I would suggest that it would be easier on both of us if I did not try to prove my independence and maturity quite so often. If she wanted to see me as precious and to know what was going on in my life, maybe it would be better for both of us if I was more gracious about letting her mother me. Saying “thank you” to her every so often would cost me little and would go a long way.

Finally, I would let myself know that I will escape from the small country town and I will not have to live within its attitudes or limitations. That the world outside does have more tolerance, kindness and creativity and that it will be a far more pleasant place to live.

So, Con – we did it! A post every day for #blogjune. But, but, but … do you think that tomorrow you could possibly answer the question What would you like to tell your 15 year old self? – even though it is not technically #blogjune? I just am interested in your answer.

And then, we switch to our original idea for the format  and you have until mid-July to answer the question: “Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?”